funniest tweets from women this week
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant — but succinct — wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections. When someone hands you a brochure on the sidewalk, it’s like what they’re really saying is “Here, you throw this away.” Caira Conner (@CairaConner) August 17, 2015 “Why does my body hurt’” “Am I ever going to have money to buy a house’” “Is Diplo hot’” “Are all politicians evil’” – my brain on rotation Gaby Dunn (@gabydunn) August 17, 2015 I love it when I actually get a dentist appointment for two-thirty! Because that’s a convenient time for me. Kristy Grant (@kristygee) August 18, 2015 A penny saved is a penny that will spend eternity at the bottom of my purse collecting lint Abby Williams (@gabigailgilliam) August 19, 2015 I’m stuck somewhere between meh and nah, but closer to nah. Naci Triedziela (@crazytraci72) August 16, 2015 Friend: [showing baby photos]Me: Ah yes, very baby moody monday (@mdob11) August 15, 2015 “Oooooooo I hope my breakfast comes with a piece of limp decorative lettuce.”- No one ever Carbosly (@Carbosly) August 16, 2015 Jared Fogle: “How about that Josh Duggar guy having an Ashley Madison account’”Everyone else: “Don’t even try.” Melissa Stetten (@MelissaStetten) August 19, 2015 There is no faster way to get on my shit list than to tell me to “calm down” Mara Wilson (@MaraWritesStuff) August 19, 2015 I imagine one person saying the first and then a second person asking the next three with increasing incredulity pic.twitter.com/FTj7TLe3jr not olga lexell (@runolgarun) August 17, 2015 The last time I looked into someone’s eyes it was 12 years ago and it was a cat AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) August 18, 2015 Going to open a quaint little book shop and have a niche section called “Men’s Interests” where we shelve the Western canon. Alana Massey (@AlanaMassey) August 20, 2015 “Fries or salad on the side’” is waitress-speak for “PICK THE KIND OF WOMAN YOU ARE IN 1 SECOND, GO” Anna Breslaw (@annabreslaw) August 14, 2015 yo this new pharmacist is hardcore hitting on me. he must’ve seen birth control AND anti-depressants and was like “HELL YEAH SIGN ME UP” Alexis Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) August 20, 2015 “this will not stand!!” -person holding infant rachel axler (@rachelaxler) August 15, 2015 I think I am too sensitive about my tastes for Spotify’s Discover Weekly Katie Heaney (@KTHeaney) August 19, 2015 Some truly Oscar-worthy performances happen when women try to convince other women of how good they feel on this amazing new diet no really. Chloe Angyal, PhD (@ChloeAngyal) August 18, 2015 People who go right past my cute dogs without acknowledging them when we’re out for a walk: Were you born a monster or did it happen later’ side-eye spice (@goldengateblond) August 19, 2015 People say there is no set of feelings quite like having a child but I have had my food arrive at a restaurant so Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 16, 2015 Wherever all my ponytail holders are, I hope they’re happy Emma Gray (@emmaladyrose) August 19, 2015”Also on HuffPost: — This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
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